


So You've Fallen Apart (So You've Fallen in Love)

by Meduseld



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Communication, Episode Tag, Feelings, Feelings Realization, For 4x07, Idiots in Love, M/M, So Married, at last
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-02
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29807967
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Meduseld/pseuds/Meduseld
Summary: Eddie and Buck finally figure that whole dating thing out.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 367





	So You've Fallen Apart (So You've Fallen in Love)

“I’m staying here for a while” Buck says, collapsing on his couch in a heap.

He looks completely exhausted, in a way that makes Eddie’s heart wrinkle in his chest.

“Maybe forever” he adds and Eddie laughs, vaguely relieved, because whatever it is, they can work it out. Especially because Buck is here where Eddie can make sure he’s okay instead of exhausted somewhere else and hiding it.

He doesn’t worry about that, exactly. He just knows Buck.

And if you do that, it becomes second nature to care for him. That’s how it’s been for Eddie from the start.

“Well, I know Christopher won’t complain” Eddie says, though Christopher’s been asleep for two hours now and doesn’t know it yet. Not that Buck needs to be told, he knows their schedule inside out and when he used his key, he was careful to be quiet when coming inside.

Maybe this can be Buck’s safe space, if home isn’t. Eddie wants it to be.

"Any reason why?" he adds, even if, to him, it doesn't matter. Buck's always welcome.

“Albert slept with her” Buck says and he sounds so hurt, so _accusatory_ that for a second Eddie’s heart flares up hot and white in his chest like a flashbang.

If there was more to them living together, if Albert broke Buck’s heart, Eddie’s going to have to beat him to death, Chim’s brother or no.

The logic is so clear in his head it’s a little staggering. Instead, he takes a breath and clears his throat.

“Her?” he says, aiming for neutral and missing by a mile.

Buck snorts, like he doesn’t notice: “Veronica, you know, the bad date neighbor girl”.

That’s not what Eddie’s expecting honestly. He’s not ready for his heart to throb painfully anyway, because is Buck jealous? He _really_ doesn’t want that.

“I thought that would be a good thing. Get her off your back” he says instead because he can do this, be calm and collected and sounding board for Buck the way Buck is _always_ there for him even though any mention of Buck’s romantic life always makes him want to claw his ears off.

Buck 1.0 sounded like a jerk he wouldn’t be friends with and that’s the reason. The only reason, he’s certain. He’s trying to convince himself, anyway.

And it would make him the worst kind of guy, to expect Buck to be there for all his Ana related panic and overanalyzing text messages, even if he side-eyes Eddie a little, and not be there for him.

Admittedly, it’s been extra weird, Eddie with an itch under his skin that he can’t place or soothe, Buck less patient and more snappish on the subject.

They’ve both just been single too long. It’ll be fine. It has to be.

“No- I mean yes, but. It’s just I-” Buck collapses into the cushions despairing and Eddie knows he needs a minute so he heads into the kitchen for beer, a regular Bud for himself and a Sam Adams Cherry Wheat for Buck.

It tastes like cough syrup to him but Buck loves it and barely buys it for himself because he’s like that so Eddie keeps some around for him. Buck lights up every time, the big kid.

He does now, taking it gratefully, before deflating again.

“The thing is… I asked Bobby once, when would _I_ get to be happy and like. It’s not that I’m not happy for him. Or hung up on her. But it’s the middle of a pandemic and everyone has a life and I _don’t_ ” and Eddie makes some wounded noise because Buck has him and Chris.

They quarantined together at the start of this, and if it hadn’t been for Albert, Chim first, and too much time left on his lease Buck would have come to live with them. Eddie doesn’t think about that a lot. Or as much, anyway.

Maybe a bit more, recently, since the dating thing has made their movie nights and game nights and just regular nights, and the morning after with both of them drinking admittedly excellent machine coffee and Buck making pancakes for a sleepy Chris at the table, a bit tense.

They have an unspoken agreement not to talk about it at home, the subject confined strictly to chats at work.

At home, they’re a united front for Chris, like Eddie always wanted, always has with Buck. 

Which is why Eddie wants this to _be_ Buck’s home. It’s reasonable, he’s being reasonable.

“And… even you-” and Buck clams himself up in a way that worries Eddie, honestly. They don’t keep things from each other. They shouldn’t.

They _promised_ and Eddie, at least, takes their vows to each other seriously. To have each other’s backs, to be honest, to make time for each other.

The idea that Buck’s been carrying some resentment sinks into his stomach like a stone.

How could he have missed it? 

“I?” he says, trying to sound calm. They can work through it, he’s sure.

They’ve been through everything together, the tsunami, the lawsuit, the street fighting. They can do this.

Because Eddie has no idea what he would do if they can’t.

The idea of losing Buck is the same as losing a limb.

“You’re dating too” Buck says softly, like it’s some horrible secret.

It feels like it, sometimes. Fine, most times.

He’s not used to it, not comfortable, not when he had such a happy balance before deciding to blow it up and make it weird with the one person that he’s always felt at ease with.

“Yeah, okay, and? That doesn’t change anything between us” Eddie says, and he hates that he sounds a little desperate. He’s a lot desperate, if he’s honest.

Buck shakes his head and Eddie wants to grab him, shake him, make him promise nothing will change but that would be. Crazy. So, he doesn’t, even if he wants to so bad his mouth floods with saliva.

“Yeah, I’m sure your girlfriend will love that, waking up to find me on the couch” he says, and he sounds sad. Not angry, not even joking. Just kind of wrecked.

Like he’s sure he’s unwanted, which is the furthest thing from the truth.

Eddie isn’t sure how to fix this, isn’t sure where this all went wrong, tempted to just blurt out _then I’ll never call her again, problem solved!_ and sure that would make this worse.

Aching with how much he wants to, anyway.

Bobby had said he had to move on and he’s trying. The hardest part has been this, thinking that to let someone else into his life he has to carve out space.

He doesn’t even have coffee in the morning without thinking of Buck, thinking that he doesn’t want to share the fancy coffee maker with anybody but the man that gave it to him.

Lost in the spiral, Eddie’s been quiet too long. Buck shakes his head again, starts to rise, “I should go, I don’t-” and Eddie’s voice speaks on its own.

“If you say you don’t deserve to be here, we’re going to have a very serious problem, Buckley” he hears and miracle of all miracles his voice sounds calm and steady and authoritative. Certain.

“Eddie?” Buck says, but he’s sinking back into the cushions and it turns out that Eddie has a lot to say.

“Yeah. A _problem_. Because that’s my best friend you’re talking about. The man I love most in the world. And if you’re talking shit about him, I can’t let that slide” he keeps going.

Buck looks half awed, half disbelieving.

“Maybe you don’t know him, don’t see him, but I do. He’s a hero. He’s brave and selfless and kind, and everyone who knows him, loves him. And he’s got this huge heart, so everyone fits in there too. So, if you have a problem with him, you’re in for it, there’s a line of people that would like a word. He deserves the world” Eddie finishes, looking into his eyes, trying to get him to believe it.

When he’d first seen Buck’s father, he’d gotten this crazy urge to punch him square in the teeth.

His hand’s curling up just thinking about it.

Buck seems to notice, and takes it in his own, smoothing out Eddie’s fingers.

It hurts, not just because the nails had dug deeper into the palm than he’d thought, but the pain of thinking how Buck is there for everyone, and seems surprised whenever they’re there for him.

Eddie wants to spend the rest of his life being there for him, proving him wrong.

“Fine, you win” Buck says, almost smiling a little. It feels like one hell of a win.

For the first time, Eddie might have actually fixed things talking about his emotions. Frank and Dr. Copeland were probably onto something.

It feels good to say, to tell Buck how important he is, how much he means to Eddie. He wants to keep going, to explain that he’ll always have a place here, that it’s safe in Eddie’s home.

“I know you want a family-” and Buck’s face snaps shut, eyes blue and bewildered and _hurt_ like Eddie did punch him after all, and Eddie remembers all over again why he usually keeps his mouth shut.

It drops open anyway, the goddamn traitor but no sound comes out.

In Buck says, in the smallest voice Eddie’s ever heard out of him. It hurts like hell to think he did that.

“No. I want _this_ family. My-” he whispers and then looks up, devastated.

Eddie feels a million miles away. No, actually, more like a few days in the past.

To Bobby saying _they're so focused on what they don't have that they miss the chance to have something else, something real._ But he was wrong.

What he was focused on was what everyone, Bobby and his parents on down, said he should want.

The truth is obvious now.

Eddie wasn’t seeing what he _does_ have. A partner that loves him. Loves his son. Loves his home. Someone Eddie can build a future around.

Has been, if he’s honest.

None of that shows on his face.

Buck flinches. “Let. Let me say goodbye, at least, I can’t leave without-” “No” Eddie says.

Before Buck can fold in on himself, he continues. “No, you’re not saying goodbye. You’re not leaving. You said it yourself, you’re staying forever. With _your_ _family_ ” he says, and he sounds sure.

He is sure.

He’s been sure, he’s just been comfortable, blinded by the familiar, by the things he thought were certain even though he hadn’t bothered to secure them.

This _is_ what he wants. His, _their_ family.

He’s an idiot.

He can spend both their lifetimes making up for it, if Buck lets him.

But Buck is getting over his own gaping fish impression, jaw clicking determinedly shut.

“I’m not gonna take _pity_ , Eddie, that’s. You’ll resent me and then-” Eddie kisses him quiet.

It’s not smart, but it works. Buck tastes like coming home.

He’s good at it, a better kisser than he’d ever hoped. It feels like the first, like the hundredth.

“I love _you_ ” Eddie says and Buck half laughs, half sobs.

“What about Ana?” he says, guarded.

“It was one date” and it wouldn’t have worked, anyway. Eddie was looking for Buck, and he was here all along.

“I’m gonna mess this up, I’m selfish-” “Baby, you’re the least selfish person I know. Good thing I’m not” Eddie says, because it’s true.

He’s never letting Buck go again.

Buck is relaxing in his arms and yes, this is what he wanted. Wants. Has all along.

It feels right in a way nothing else ever has. No awkwardness. Just calm.

There’s a lot of work to do, sure, but he’s eager for it. For their life to begin.

“You’re sure?” Buck says. “Never been more sure of anything in my life” Eddie says and kisses him again.

It’s perfect.

How soon is too soon to propose?

**Author's Note:**

> AKA local man realizes he never actually married his husband, that said husband might not love the fact that he's dating. Title from (slightly altered) lyrics to Snow Patrol's _[What If This Is All The Love You Ever Get?](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D52qnC7dJcQ)_ , also as a bit of a shoutout to the lovely [datleggy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/datleggy).


End file.
